Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
