they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
