I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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