I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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