when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
