we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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