We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
