i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
