You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
