You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize