Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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