A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
