I have demons in me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
