I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
