her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
