sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
