I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
