yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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