I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
