When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's shark week go big or go home
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
