Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
