I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
