i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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