She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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