we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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