I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
