yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
