Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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