another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
