I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
