I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
