his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
