the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
