Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
