It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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