btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
