I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
