I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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