Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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