I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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