you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize