omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
