How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
