do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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