dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
