That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
