you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
