you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
