Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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