im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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